A Dream (Part Two, Chapter Seven)

Asleep in the bed above the old antiques shop with Julia, I dreamt of my childhood, when I was so cruel to my family. I remember the time I stole chocolate from my sister, when my mother had already given me three quarters of the slab of candy. I was greedy and cruel back then. I wish that I had been much kinder and loving towards my poor family. I thought up until I had that dream, that I had killed them, because of their mysterious disappearance. I feel so rueful and shameful at my horrific actions as a child. My mother had always protected me, and gave me the best she could, but I now realized that it was all hopeless in the face of the Party. They could destroy all family bonds and did not feel sorry. Therefore, Party members have lost all their love instincts, except for those that pertain to the Party. But the Proles, who had retained their close ties and were oblivious to harsh Party rule, were still human. They still had human feelings and connections that were not effected by the Party. Even though I know Julia and I will eventually be caught, it is better to be truly human now, instead of separating from each other and losing our humanity altogether.